The Phrase

30 July 2008

I see what’s radical about saying “if men approve, it’s not feminist.” Radical is just not the right word for what I feel it really is. Unfair, maybe. I feel like I’m on a seesaw. When I’m close to the ground, I understand why I feel indignant toward the above proclamation. When I’m up in the air, I feel like I can see the horizon, where feminist meets chill, and the danger of my bourgeois upbringing’s skewing of reality, and the guilt of having that partner who has a dick weighs me back down to the ground where I swell up with anger, thinking, why can’t I move my body seductively to give my partner a hard-on? This feels so awfully anti-sex. I wanna be sexy! I don’t shave or wear things to make me smell girly! If I did, so what? Is it okay when a guy does it because wearing make-up makes him queer? Am I just like those white people who complain about being marginalized in a radical community? Am I just the Chicana feminist version of them?  I feel like I should sit down and shut up. I’m lucky that I have a partner. And some would say I’m ‘lucky’ that he’s a male. But I wanna relish my life, not worry about what it ‘makes me’ by default. So this is a terribly inward rambling, nothing revolutionary or consuquential, except that when you change yourself, you change the world. Right?

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One Response to “The Phrase”

  1. hortencia Says:

    hmmm… I think i’m the “man” in our relationship and nathan agrees. When I want to have sex I just hump him and when i’m done I don’t cuddle and i’m like “i’m going to the restroom” or something more mundane. nathan and I don’t treat each other based on color or gender. we don’t hide from the reality that we have a biracial relationship but it doesn’t dictate our way of life much less do we gender type eachother… in fact I’m working on a personal story of “unlearning gender” and its about a little experiment we did while we were preggers. the word feminism has so many definitions and it just depends who’s it is; for me the best definition I’ve heard was from an indigena in chiapas who said “si feminista significa tener fe en mi misma pues entonces soy feminista.” Yo tengo fe en mi misma.


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