Countless of other stories of course. The St. Paul police do not want a repeat of iwitness’s success in the uncovering of police brutality and lies in 2004.


I have been rescued from a true pit of despair! So I did a lot of the rescuing myself, but I couldn’t have done it without Marc. I had to push myself to confront my mother about some things so that I would no longer be tormented by my own thoughts. Although it concerns my sisters more than I, the confrontation (in letter form) was pretty selfish. And I mean that in a healthy way.

Today I had a really good discussion with a friend. It made me appreciate or re-realize that sometimes you truly do need to hear it from someone other than yourself.

She told me that asking a smoker not to smoke would almost always be unsuccessful. I was naive to think that a stranger would stop out of respect for my request, or for me, even if it was just for a short time, even if I am pregnant. But it doesn’t change the fact that the guy was just a major asshole.

I realized too that I feel validated now. Now that I can more freely express my feelings. To my mom. To my friends.

I know, I know, nothing much of interest to say. Let’s just say I’m doing all my talking and reading on other blogs like here and here, just a couple of my favorite blogs. This post about an ICE raid in Mississippi is worth looking at. But caution: it will make you sick.

At this point in my pregnancy, hunger hits hard every couple of hours and bothers me in the middle of the night. I’m back to waking up feeling slightly nauseous (well, it’s nowhere near as bad as the first couple of months). And I haven’t not cried at night in a couple of weeks. I guess my hormones are raging, although I feel like it’s not just that, it’s everything. It’s having to be anxious about the new apartment being ready for us and of Marc’s mom asking for and then completely disregarding my wants for my baby shower. I know, my problems are really good ones to have. Sometimes I just have to talk about it to realize that and stop feeling sorry for my priveleged ass.

When I read this badass post about princesses on Anti-Racist Parent, I got some really good ideas and references to cool books I can buy for my little one. Yeah, in a few years. haha. I also was forced to reflect on that aisle in Target that is so infuriating to pass by. The one with princess stuff, tiaras, feather boas, tutus, Hannah Montana. There is a certain harmlessness in wanting to be traditionally feminine- I am merely opposed to the idea of entitlement through nothing but luck, which is what a princess is. I’m dealing with this sort of princess mentality with one of my sisters. I know it’s funny to call it that, but she honestly acts as if everyone else in the house is such a bother to her if we ask her to merely wash dishes. And she calls her little sister lazy. I think it’s because she’s in color guard and her color guard friends are beyond disgusting. One of them knows Spanish but refuses to speak it, and is content with being mistaken for white since she is half-white. They sit around talking shit about people they know for hours. And this sister has had the audacity to twice tell me that I don’t do anything all day. I was infuriated both times, eager to defend myself, or just tell her, I READ ALL DAY LONG and I MAKE CURTAINS! I guess I have some issues with her right now. It started back when I told her why I would never BUY flowers to give someone: they’re ‘factory farmed’ with dangerous pesticides, but the kicker is, the men and women who pick these flowers are severely hurt by the freshness of the pesticides when they are picked. Their hands turn black, get poisonous crystals in them, and for what? So that some dull, uncreative male can uphold his end of the patriarchal agreement? She told me that since she doesn’t see it, she doesn’t really care.She thinks I’m immature to care, and that I should just accept economics. How simple!


Since I plan to not step foot in Target with my child, (at this moment, maybe naively, I can’t imagine why I would ever have to) I feel confident I can avoid at least THAT aisle. But then there are Target ads, not usually offensive, just wildly consumerist (duh, they’re ads), which are not so easy to avoid. Blogsurfing for Target-related stuff led me to this article. The ad picture speaks for itself, so I’ll include it right here:

Yes, that is a woman with her legs wide open and her crotch at the bullseye of Target’s logo- a feeble attempt at making it look like she is making a snow angel. I don’t believe anyone is being nitpicky. It’s hard not to notice this.

Okras and Tomatos

3 August 2008

I’m relishing the last time in my life I will be able to lounge around. Sleep in. Lose control a little bit, or a lot, depending on how bad my heartburn is.

The weight on my chest is part being out of shape but mostly apprehensiveness.

I’m gonna start a band with Vicky

MOROSE MOMMY- maternal diy punx.

I have gained 20lbs, who knew?!?!

Now two Day at the Veterinarian pic. Sofia is wearing a hand-me-down blouse from her horrid, stuck up cousin as well as her signature silk headscarf and cotton purse.


Cooking in the garage with hurricane Dolly.


31 July 2008

For about three days the baby was not stirring very much. I know not to panic because babies have sleepy and active days, but I started to worry last night. The child must have known momma was worried because it started pummeling me mercilessly. It was really distracting as I tried to sleep. And today it’s doing sumersaults again. I hope it’s loving all the iron and protein I’ve been getting. It definitely gives me more energy.

Yo it’s so good to see friends and just hang. I think it’s really awesome that Noemi and Vicky are going to live together and help each other out so much. I’m just gonna miss Vikcy and it’s especially sad that she’s moving now that I’m going to Edinburg. When I’mf inished eating I’m gonna go measure the windows at the new apt to start making curtains. I bought the fabric today and I’m also gonna finish up the baby blanket that has been hidden away in patch form for a while.

The Phrase

30 July 2008

I see what’s radical about saying “if men approve, it’s not feminist.” Radical is just not the right word for what I feel it really is. Unfair, maybe. I feel like I’m on a seesaw. When I’m close to the ground, I understand why I feel indignant toward the above proclamation. When I’m up in the air, I feel like I can see the horizon, where feminist meets chill, and the danger of my bourgeois upbringing’s skewing of reality, and the guilt of having that partner who has a dick weighs me back down to the ground where I swell up with anger, thinking, why can’t I move my body seductively to give my partner a hard-on? This feels so awfully anti-sex. I wanna be sexy! I don’t shave or wear things to make me smell girly! If I did, so what? Is it okay when a guy does it because wearing make-up makes him queer? Am I just like those white people who complain about being marginalized in a radical community? Am I just the Chicana feminist version of them?  I feel like I should sit down and shut up. I’m lucky that I have a partner. And some would say I’m ‘lucky’ that he’s a male. But I wanna relish my life, not worry about what it ‘makes me’ by default. So this is a terribly inward rambling, nothing revolutionary or consuquential, except that when you change yourself, you change the world. Right?

Picture Post!

27 July 2008